Lately, my family has been involved with some very difficult discussions and decisions about the care of my grandmother. At times, it has been difficult to understand some of the reasons behind certain actions of my grandmother. Even more difficult has been her negative reaction to things the family has done to increase her ability to continue to live in her apartment.
All this got me thinking about death and the idea of how a person might be happier when they die. For my entire life I have heard people say “they’re in a better place” or “it was for the best that they passed away.” Until now, I was able to agree with people and understand what they meant, but never was I able to fully appreciate what they meant. Now, in dealing with my grandmother and various aspects of her dementia and Alzheimer’s, I have an entirely different understanding.
I used to think death was such a morbid thing. Now, I have begun to realize that for some death is an escape from the pain and suffering and their loss of dignity. It is in that vein that I now understand what grandma meant when she would say she is tired of living. For the longest time it was a sad thought for me to think about. However, as of late, I am able to better understand the struggle it must be for her to go through each day with little recollection of the previous day. In fact, it is no wonder grandma is tired of living – it’s as if nothing has happened in the recent past yet everything around her has changed.
I also know that one of the best things I did this week was to talk to a qualified counselor that is experienced in these matters. Just being pointed in the direction of pertinent materials has helped me to better understand what is going on and how to interact with grandma. Not to mention the ability to discuss the situation with someone that is acutely aware of what is transpiring both within the family and grandma.
In the end, I think my dad said it best a few months back when he said, “It sure is a bitch getting older.”